Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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