Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
