Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
