It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
