So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
