I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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