some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
