i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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