Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
