I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
