I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
