I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
