No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Redeem this text for a blowjob
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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