dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
