It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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