I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Randomize
