I'm so fucking centered right now
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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