I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Randomize
