yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
