if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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