So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Randomize
