HIV tests are more positive than that guy
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
