At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
