JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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