Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I didn't notice because vodka
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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