i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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