Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
