I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize