I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
found the other keg... it's in the tree
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
