3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
