I'm pants shitting drunk right now
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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