You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
