508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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