so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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