Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
