Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize