I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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