the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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