Whod you bang
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
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