I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
