My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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