Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
