My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
