It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize