hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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