my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
