Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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