shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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