Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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