I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
