Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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