this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
tell me about the fingering
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