Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
