There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
