Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
