Umm I'm too high to move.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
