I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
