I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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