how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize