Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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