My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I need to stop coming to work sober
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
