I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
