New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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