We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Randomize
