i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
