when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
