I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
