hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
