I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I believe in your delicious
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
