Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
