I'm laying in your front yard are you home
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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