i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
