I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
