I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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