If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Randomize
