You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
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