no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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