I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
